For the second time in two months, I have hit a goal. I have been successful! Successful!!! I can't tell you the last time I did that when it comes to weight loss. I feel like I've been failing at it for 9 years. Because of that, it's hard for me to realize that I AM doing this. I AM succeeding.
It's never been harder than it has been this week. I think that an incident last Sunday triggered it. There was a 60th birthday party for a family member at a Mexican Restaurant. In an attempt to walk some of it off, my husband and I went walking around the local mall. I was complaining about my clothes being too big, so I was kind of looking at things I may be able to get. When we were in one store, I saw a shirt that I really, really liked. I knew that there was no way I could fit into it, but Michael convinced me to try it on.
I couldn't get it over my chest.
Talk about disappointment. I felt like a failure, I felt embarrassed, I cried. It was really horrible and it really took me to Wednesday to recover from it. In the end, I learned that it actually was a Junior's size and neither one of us noticed that. I learned that on Monday, but I still felt horrible about myself. I felt larger than I did at my top weight. I was completely uncomfortable about everything to do with myself. Until I saw a picture comparison of where I started out & where I am now. If you are on this journey – TAKE PICTURES!!!!! Without those, I would still be a complete depressed mess and probably would have stopped. It's sad, but it's true. And this blog is nothing – if not the truth.
Instead of stopping though, I looked at those pictures. I gave myself a pep talk and reminded myself of how far I had come. Then I went to Fashion Bug – where I knew I could fit into the clothes and surprised myself. I got into the smaller size down shirt (two sizes smaller in a different cut) and the next smaller size of jeans (which would be 2 sizes since that's the way they go). That was tangible & I felt much better about myself.
Michael also made the comment that he thinks I'm now in better physical shape than him. That has NEVER happened and made me feel good. He also got us Your Shape Fitness Evolved for the Kinetic. I ran for 3 straight minutes without stopping. I couldn't have done that two months ago.
This is going to be a mental game for me – seeing myself at a smaller weight & being able to accept the compliments that people are giving me. It's hard to do, but I'm working on it. I'm also working on being realistic in my goals and not letting one little thing set me back.
Again, the only person that can stop me is myself!