Amusement Parks

Four years ago, I took my honeymoon at Disney.  It definitely wasn't the 'happiest place on earth' for me.  It was miserable.  I weighed about 30 more pounds and it hurt to walk, it hurt to stand, and I almost didn't fit into a few rides.  Since then I've been too worried, too embarrassed, to try to do anything like that anymore.

This week though, my friend, April, had free tickets to Holiday World and asked me if I wanted to go with her.  I at first said no because I was very self conscious and frankly scared.  People who don't have a weight problem don't understand.  When you go to a place like this, you worry.  There's a multitude of questions you ask yourself.

• Am I going to be the fattest person at the park?
• Am I going to embarrass myself by huffing and puffing up the hills?
• Will I be able to fit in the rides?
• If I can fit in the rides, will it be comfortable?
• Am I going to look like a beached whale at the water park?
• Will people point and laugh at me when I take my cover up off?

All of these things play in your mind and I don't know that anybody who's lived this life EVER gets over it or doesn't think about it.  We (me) let those thoughts keep us from doing the things that we want most in life.  Our thoughts are the most debilitating and crippling roadblocks in this journey besides self-control. 

I hadn't worn a bathing suit in 10 years and I hadn't been to an amusement park in the 4 years.  I hemmed and hawed about it for most of the week.  I didn't have a bathing suit and I was worried that I wouldn't fit in the rides.

My friends ending up making the decision for me. Out of the goodness of their hearts, they went and bought me a bathing suit and told me to go have fun (I seriously have absolutely the BEST friends in the world!).  I decided to do just that and I am SO glad that I did!

I fit in every ride, even had PLENTY of room after I tightened the seat belts on the roller coasters.  I wore my bathing suit in public and while I did feel a little self conscious about it, that went away  after a few minutes or so.  I walked up and down the hills with no problem and I had a great time!

Today, I do feel like I've been in a car accident, but I think that's because of the wooden coasters that we went on.  I wouldn't change anything at all about yesterday and I am so ready to keep losing weight. This truly is the best thing I've EVER done for myself!!

40 Pounds...what????

I'm in some uncharted territory here people! I have lost 40.7 pounds since January 1^st! I've actually had many little goals here lately & I think I need to celebrate them!

• I'm almost walking 1.2 miles in under 21 minutes. Keep in mind, that is not flat, this is with 2 hills both ways.
• I bought a 'regular sized' shirt from Old Navy. It wasn't in the plus size section or anything!
• I've become more open with people the last 5 months.
• I didn't let a weight gain and a neutral week the last couple of weeks knock me for a loop.
• I've lost 8 points on my BMI.
• I've lost 14% of my body weight.
• I am 84 pounds away from my goal, I remember when that was over 100!!
• I have a TAN!! I haven't ever had a tan because I sat inside all day and was too afraid I would burn because I'm so white. But from walking everyday, I've gotten a freakin' tan!!

This lifestyle change has gotten easier and I'm hardly hungry anymore, but it's still something I have to be completely cognizant of. Just like last night, I was hanging around with some friends, we were up until after midnight and I went on a midnight snack run. I don't do that EVERYDAY, but still, that's old habits!

I'm hoping to do another 5K in Nashville in October called The Color Run. I think I have a group of people that want to do it with me, so it should be fun!

Not a whole lot to report other than that. I'm feeling good, I'm trying to get halfway – 19.3 more pounds – and then I can focus on the rest of the journey. Hoping to hit 50 by the end of next month because I've promised myself a new hairdo and my hair is getting LONG! It's hot in this Kentucky humidity.

Will take another when I get to 50!!!

I can't tell you how proud I am to say right now that 

I made a resolution on January 1^st and almost 6 months later I am sticking to it!

Many Successes!

I've been a very busy lady since I posted my last blog.

1. I became an aunt.
2. I had my first weight gain.
3. I walked my first 5K.
4. I broke the 35 pound lost barrier.

The weight gain was not unexpected, we ate out a lot the week of my niece being born. She's adorable and cute and every other noun used to describe babies! We actually ate one night just to stay awake – we were up for almost 24 hours at one point. It was not a huge surprise when I got on the scale and saw the gain.

At that point, I had to figure out what I was going to do about it though. Would I let that weight gain define four months of hard work or would I let that be the motivation I needed?

I got my answer. It motivated me! It helped me to break the 35 pound barrier and I am heading quickly for 40!!

- - - - - -

My first 5K! My father-in-law asked me a while ago if I would be interested in walking one with him and I said yes. It just so happened to be the weekend after my weight gain. I've been walking everyday, but never that distance at one time. It was very cold and rainy, which was weird considering how hot it's been here lately. That ended up kind of working in my favor though as I don't do well in heat. When we started I was very nervous – afraid that I would walk across the finish line last. As we were walking, I began to realize that I wasn't doing too bad. He kept asking if I was ok and I was. I'm used to walking hills where I normally walk, this was flat. So I guess that made it easier. We ended up finishing in 51 minutes. I'd say we were pretty close to the middle. There were a lot in front of us, but there were also a lot behind us.

Before I could barely walk half a mile in 20 minutes, much less over 3 miles in 51.

I've come a long way, but I have a very long way to go yet. I will keep trucking because I have a goal and for the first time ever, I feel like I'm going to reach it! All I had to do was get started and do what I know is right.

If you're struggling, just get started. You have no idea how much that will resonate with you once you do!

I'm Back!

So, the last few weeks, I taken the weeks off from blogging. I was kind of disappointed in myself – even though that's kind of crazy – considering how far I've come. After seeing such big numbers that .5 pound was like a slap in the face. Of course, I knew that it was coming. I ate well, but my sodium was through the roof. That's something that will put the weight on me faster than anything else I do.

I worked hard though. I worked hard not to let that .5 loss derail me. For a split second, I really thought about giving up. I thought if I can't do at least 1.5 every week, then what am I doing here? Then I realized that was a stupid position to take. It was selfish and a bit bratish. Then the next week, my loss was bigger, but still smaller than what I was used to. Same with the next week. I wondered what I was doing 'wrong'. I don't know why I thought I was doing something wrong, but I guess I got spoiled in these big weight losses I had been having.

I had to sit down and have a talk with myself.

I also talked to other people who are doing or have done this. The biggest thing I heard from everyone was maybe you need to increase your calories. That scared me. Big time! I was netting anywhere from 900-1100 a day and the general consensus was that I should try to get as close to 1200 net a day that I could. So that's what I tried to do this week. It was hard, making myself eat sometimes. At the end of the day, I'd look and see sometimes I had about a hundred calories to go & I'd go get something real quick. I was scared it would give me the license to pretty much eat for the sake of eating. Surprisingly, I didn't feel that way. I made good decisions on what to eat except for a Little Debbie snack I allowed myself for dessert.

Sometimes I have to keep remind myself that my journey is not over. I still have a long way to go – 90.2 more pounds. But let's put this into perspective.

Since January 1^st, I have lost 35.3 pounds. My 'smaller' clothes are getting a bit bigger. My BMI has gone down 6.9 points. Most of all though? My confidence and self-esteem is through the roof and I'm happier. That is the biggest gift of all with this journey I'm on.

So this coming week, I'm gonna try not to be so impatient with myself. I am doing a great job. It'll happen. Not on my time line, but when it's supposed to. So here I go, ready to hit 40 pounds lost. With the support of everybody and my own determination, I'll be there in no time!

Trusting Myself....

One thing I've had a hard time with this week is trusting that doing everything right would mean I would get results. I haven’t trusted myself in being able to enjoy the spontaneous dinners that got me to this weight. I was scared to, to be quiet honest. That’s like handing an alcoholic a fifth of whiskey.

All that kinda came to halt this week. I had 3 instances of unplanned eating out. I worried about it all week, but I followed my plan all of the other days. Even on the days I ate out, I still kept within my calories, but my sodium was THROUGH THE ROOF!! Everyone kept telling me that it would be ok, that if I did gain, it would be the first time in 11 weeks and at some point it’s going to happen. I told myself that too, but I hoped for the best.

I lost -2.2 pounds.

I’ve decided I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m not going to worry myself to death about meals that sometimes are out of my control. Unless I went overboard and ate 3 days worth of food in one meal, it’s not that big of a deal.

It showed me something. That I can trust myself. That I can let lose maybe some of the reigns I’ve had. My frame of mind is different now and I’m not going to automatically go for that fried chicken or mac and cheese. I’m not automatically going to get an appetizer, meal, and then a dessert. I have changed. I’m not the same person I was 11 weeks & 29.5 pounds ago.

I don’t recognize that person anymore. Literally. None of my clothes fit anymore and half my shoes don’t. I’m not keeping all those big clothes either, those are being given away. I have a very small wardrobe that I can fit into at this point, but I’ll take it. Hopefully I’ll be moving even further down in the next few months.

Oh and that weight I was talking about that I don’t recognize myself at a few blog posts ago? I’m there. At this point, I’m a whole new me. I have an entirely different outlook on what I can do with this. When I first started, I thought if I lose 30 pounds by May I will have REALLY accomplished something. It’s March and I’m there. Imagine what I can do by May?

I’m going to keep at this. I’m going to keep on keeping on and I’ll hit my goal. Hopefully sooner rather than later. 95 more pounds to go!

I walked 1.2 miles today. I couldn’t even walk half a mile in January. I had my blood work re-done. My cholesterol is 169, my sugar is 87, my triglycerides are 138. Last time I had all that done, it was in the danger zone - in NOVEMBER! If I can do this, you can too! I”m one of the people who can say I’ve kept my New Year’s promise to myself. For the first time since, well, ever.


Are you? If not, it’s not too late to jump back on or even get started.

Confessions

Today I logged into My Fitness Pal for the 70^th day in a row. In 70 days I've accomplished much more than I ever truly believed I could do when I first started out.

• I've lost 27.3 pounds. That's .39 pounds a day...pretty decent!

• I've gone from a 4X shirt to a comfortable 2X in most cases.

• I've gone from a size 26 jean that was really tight to a size 24 that's starting to get loose.

• I've gone from a size 9 in my shoes to 8.5.

• My wedding and engagement rings almost fall off now if my hand gets wet.

• My glasses are even a little big.

• For the first time since I can remember, I bought clothes from the 'regular' size side of the store last weekend.

• I've gone from not being able to walk far at all to pretty close to 2 miles a day. I am almost at the end of that road!!!

You might be wondering what my confession is. When I agreed to do this with my friends at work. I didn't really mean to do it all.

We've all talked at one time or another in the past few years about 'losing weight'. We'd do it for a few weeks and then we'd fall back into our old habits. In December when my friend told me that we needed to do this together. I said 'sure', like I always do, but I really didn't plan to do it. Even the first day of January I really didn't take it seriously.

I can't tell you what made me take it seriously. I still don't know. All I know is one day I was saying sure, ready to completely half-ass this and the next day I had a scale out measuring my food.

Divine intervention is my best guess. God knew what I needed and He flipped the switch in my head to make me realize it.

It's become a habit for me now and for the most part, my cravings are gone. I do still feel hungry every once in a while and sometimes I really do want that fast food, but I've come up with a bit of a system. Usually every Friday and Saturday night we eat out. Friday morning and Friday afternoon I also eat out, but I keep it under control. A kids Coke on Friday Morning is usually all the Coke I have for the week as well.

I think I'm happier and I think I have a lot more confidence in myself. I know I'm not skinny by any means, but I just feel better about myself. I'm learning to love myself a bit more & I can't wait until week 12 when I can take new progress pictures and compare them to week 1. I think that will tell a lot.

Another confession. I dread the week I get on that scale and it either goes up or stays the same. I know this level of weight loss will not go on forever. I'm not sure how I will react to it – and that's what scares me.

As of this week, the group that I'm losing weight with at work has hit 93.3 pounds! We've lost a skinny teenager!

I'm so ready to punch through my next goal of 30 pounds!

Tangible Results!

This week, I've surprised myself. I know that I keep saying this, but I really did. I lost 3.8 pounds! The most since the first week I started this. I'm almost to the point where I can say I have less than 10o pounds that I want to lose. I started this wanting to lose 125.5 pounds. That still puts me a little bit heavy on the BMI scale because of my height, but I think I'll be happy at that weight. If not, I will continue to work on losing a bit more. I don't remember myself at anything less than 200 pounds – seriously – so I don't know how I'll feel about it. I can barely remember myself at this weight. I know that I went to the doctor for bronchitis the January or February of the year I got married (2008) and I weighed 5 pounds less than I do right now. I still can't remember what I looked like then though.

That's tangible. That's something I can remember and something I can see.

After I had my little freak out a week or so ago, I think I'm more determined than ever. I feel better about myself. I feel happier. I think I walk with my head a little higher. I think I walk a little faster.

Figuratively and physically I'm getting a little further down the road every week. There's a road that we walk on at work. Every week I have a goal until I get to the end of this road. Some days I feel like it's going to kill me. Other days I feel so accomplished because I've made it. I keep track of how long it takes me with an app on my phone and everyday I push for it to be quicker. Some days I shave off 10-20 seconds. Some days it's a little slower and I'm ok with that.

I've had two more tangible results this week. A friend of mine said it would be cool if we went zip lining. I can remember someone mentioning that last year and I looked into it. My heart sank and I didn't tell anyone, but I was too heavy to go. I was higher than the weight requirement. It hurt, but did that make me do anything. No...if anything I gained 10 more pounds. Weird how that works huh? When she mentioned it, I couldn't remember how much the weight requirement was and I wasn't goin to say anything. Instead, I went to the website and clicked on the FAQ and saw the question. I was nervous as I clicked it. My palms were sweating and my heart was racing. I didn't want to have to tell someone I was still too heavy to do this. When I clicked, I almost cried. I'm a full 10 pounds now BELOW what the high weight is. Excited does not even begin to describe how I felt!

Another tangible result is a picture that was taken of me. When I started this in January, a few days after I announced it to everyone, I asked my friend to take a picture of me. As a starting out point. It just so happened Thursday, I was wearing the same outfit and everyone was commenting on how lose my clothes were. On a whim, I asked her to take another picture. The side by side was amazing!!! I can now SEE that hard work is paying off. I am more motivated than ever & I can't wait to see how far this journey takes me!!!

his is that picture. Notice how unhappy and uncomfortable I look in the first? I'm glad I don't look like that anymore!