Saturday, March 17, 2012

Trusting Myself....

One thing I've had a hard time with this week is trusting that doing everything right would mean I would get results. I haven’t trusted myself in being able to enjoy the spontaneous dinners that got me to this weight. I was scared to, to be quiet honest. That’s like handing an alcoholic a fifth of whiskey.

All that kinda came to halt this week. I had 3 instances of unplanned eating out. I worried about it all week, but I followed my plan all of the other days. Even on the days I ate out, I still kept within my calories, but my sodium was THROUGH THE ROOF!! Everyone kept telling me that it would be ok, that if I did gain, it would be the first time in 11 weeks and at some point it’s going to happen. I told myself that too, but I hoped for the best.

I lost -2.2 pounds.

I’ve decided I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m not going to worry myself to death about meals that sometimes are out of my control. Unless I went overboard and ate 3 days worth of food in one meal, it’s not that big of a deal.

It showed me something. That I can trust myself. That I can let lose maybe some of the reigns I’ve had. My frame of mind is different now and I’m not going to automatically go for that fried chicken or mac and cheese. I’m not automatically going to get an appetizer, meal, and then a dessert. I have changed. I’m not the same person I was 11 weeks & 29.5 pounds ago.

I don’t recognize that person anymore. Literally. None of my clothes fit anymore and half my shoes don’t. I’m not keeping all those big clothes either, those are being given away. I have a very small wardrobe that I can fit into at this point, but I’ll take it. Hopefully I’ll be moving even further down in the next few months.

Oh and that weight I was talking about that I don’t recognize myself at a few blog posts ago? I’m there. At this point, I’m a whole new me. I have an entirely different outlook on what I can do with this. When I first started, I thought if I lose 30 pounds by May I will have REALLY accomplished something. It’s March and I’m there. Imagine what I can do by May?

I’m going to keep at this. I’m going to keep on keeping on and I’ll hit my goal. Hopefully sooner rather than later. 95 more pounds to go!

I walked 1.2 miles today. I couldn’t even walk half a mile in January. I had my blood work re-done. My cholesterol is 169, my sugar is 87, my triglycerides are 138. Last time I had all that done, it was in the danger zone - in NOVEMBER! If I can do this, you can too! I”m one of the people who can say I’ve kept my New Year’s promise to myself. For the first time since, well, ever.

Are you? If not, it’s not too late to jump back on or even get started.

Saturday, March 10, 2012


Today I logged into My Fitness Pal for the 70th day in a row. In 70 days I've accomplished much more than I ever truly believed I could do when I first started out.

  • I've lost 27.3 pounds. That's .39 pounds a day...pretty decent!

  • I've gone from a 4X shirt to a comfortable 2X in most cases.

  • I've gone from a size 26 jean that was really tight to a size 24 that's starting to get loose.

  • I've gone from a size 9 in my shoes to 8.5.

  • My wedding and engagement rings almost fall off now if my hand gets wet.

  • My glasses are even a little big.

  • For the first time since I can remember, I bought clothes from the 'regular' size side of the store last weekend.

  • I've gone from not being able to walk far at all to pretty close to 2 miles a day. I am almost at the end of that road!!!

You might be wondering what my confession is. When I agreed to do this with my friends at work. I didn't really mean to do it all.

We've all talked at one time or another in the past few years about 'losing weight'. We'd do it for a few weeks and then we'd fall back into our old habits. In December when my friend told me that we needed to do this together. I said 'sure', like I always do, but I really didn't plan to do it. Even the first day of January I really didn't take it seriously.

I can't tell you what made me take it seriously. I still don't know. All I know is one day I was saying sure, ready to completely half-ass this and the next day I had a scale out measuring my food.

Divine intervention is my best guess. God knew what I needed and He flipped the switch in my head to make me realize it.

It's become a habit for me now and for the most part, my cravings are gone. I do still feel hungry every once in a while and sometimes I really do want that fast food, but I've come up with a bit of a system. Usually every Friday and Saturday night we eat out. Friday morning and Friday afternoon I also eat out, but I keep it under control. A kids Coke on Friday Morning is usually all the Coke I have for the week as well.

I think I'm happier and I think I have a lot more confidence in myself. I know I'm not skinny by any means, but I just feel better about myself. I'm learning to love myself a bit more & I can't wait until week 12 when I can take new progress pictures and compare them to week 1. I think that will tell a lot.

Another confession. I dread the week I get on that scale and it either goes up or stays the same. I know this level of weight loss will not go on forever. I'm not sure how I will react to it – and that's what scares me.

As of this week, the group that I'm losing weight with at work has hit 93.3 pounds! We've lost a skinny teenager!

I'm so ready to punch through my next goal of 30 pounds!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Tangible Results!

This week, I've surprised myself. I know that I keep saying this, but I really did. I lost 3.8 pounds! The most since the first week I started this. I'm almost to the point where I can say I have less than 10o pounds that I want to lose. I started this wanting to lose 125.5 pounds. That still puts me a little bit heavy on the BMI scale because of my height, but I think I'll be happy at that weight. If not, I will continue to work on losing a bit more. I don't remember myself at anything less than 200 pounds – seriously – so I don't know how I'll feel about it. I can barely remember myself at this weight. I know that I went to the doctor for bronchitis the January or February of the year I got married (2008) and I weighed 5 pounds less than I do right now. I still can't remember what I looked like then though.

That's tangible. That's something I can remember and something I can see.

After I had my little freak out a week or so ago, I think I'm more determined than ever. I feel better about myself. I feel happier. I think I walk with my head a little higher. I think I walk a little faster.

Figuratively and physically I'm getting a little further down the road every week. There's a road that we walk on at work. Every week I have a goal until I get to the end of this road. Some days I feel like it's going to kill me. Other days I feel so accomplished because I've made it. I keep track of how long it takes me with an app on my phone and everyday I push for it to be quicker. Some days I shave off 10-20 seconds. Some days it's a little slower and I'm ok with that.

I've had two more tangible results this week. A friend of mine said it would be cool if we went zip lining. I can remember someone mentioning that last year and I looked into it. My heart sank and I didn't tell anyone, but I was too heavy to go. I was higher than the weight requirement. It hurt, but did that make me do anything. No...if anything I gained 10 more pounds. Weird how that works huh? When she mentioned it, I couldn't remember how much the weight requirement was and I wasn't goin to say anything. Instead, I went to the website and clicked on the FAQ and saw the question. I was nervous as I clicked it. My palms were sweating and my heart was racing. I didn't want to have to tell someone I was still too heavy to do this. When I clicked, I almost cried. I'm a full 10 pounds now BELOW what the high weight is. Excited does not even begin to describe how I felt!

Another tangible result is a picture that was taken of me. When I started this in January, a few days after I announced it to everyone, I asked my friend to take a picture of me. As a starting out point. It just so happened Thursday, I was wearing the same outfit and everyone was commenting on how lose my clothes were. On a whim, I asked her to take another picture. The side by side was amazing!!! I can now SEE that hard work is paying off. I am more motivated than ever & I can't wait to see how far this journey takes me!!!

his is that picture. Notice how unhappy and uncomfortable I look in the first? I'm glad I don't look like that anymore!