Weightloss is Like A Concert

Weightloss is Like a Concert

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing the band Bush live. That crosses off one of my bands that I always wanted to see in High School and never got a chance to. In the hustle and bustle of the show, I had an epiphany.

Weightloss is like a concert...

1. The Beginning

• They let you into the concert. Most of the time for me it's general admission. We run from the door to the closest to the stage we can get and scope out our spots. Quickly we figure out where everyone is going to stand and then we send someone for drinks.
• This is like you diet. You start off all gung ho and ready to see this thing through to the end. You get all your friends to join you, possibly even your husband. The group of you decide how you're going to get it done and then you make plans. Meal plans, workout plans, motivation plans. What have you. The group of you are ready!

2. The Opening Band

• Let's face it – unless you're ::cough:: Brantley Gilbert ::cough:: 99.9% of all opening bands are that for a reason. They aren't that great. However, they serve a purpose. They get you ready to see the main event. You get your feet wet with clapping and singing along. Hopefully they do a cover so that you know at least one of their songs and you can sing along with that and take pictures with your friends
• On you're diet, that first week just plain sucks! You're hungry and grouchy and you're not sure if you're gonna make it after the first few days. All you can do is sit and think of the things you can't have, but after that first week, the hunger pains go away. That first weigh in gets your motivation going and you brag to everyone about how well it's going. You're jazzed for the rest of your journey.

3. The Main Concert

• At this point, you've been keeping your spot near the stage for at least a couple of hours. You've turned your head to the side and are joking with your friends when some douchebag and his girlfriend elbow their way up and promptly get in front of you, blocking your awesome view. If you're short like me, you just talk very loudly, making snide remarks and let them know that you really don't appreciate it. After all, you've been the person holding up your section of gate and really, you got their on time. It's incredibly rude. They're trying to de-rail your enjoyment. Even when the band takes the stage, it still irritates you a bit. Especially when the douchebag leans back into your personal space to get a picture of his girlfriend with the lead singer in the background. Really?
• While you start out and keep on your diet pretty religiously, there's going to be something that's going to trip you up. You'll have a week that's just plain bad. Maybe you had too much sodium and it caused you to retain water. Maybe there were food choices that you had to make that weren't good and it just sorta happened that way. Those unforeseen circumstances are that douchebag and his girlfriend.

4. The Home Stretch

• At this point, people that were with you in the beginning ready to 'rock out' have gotten hot. They think they're about to pass out and their legs, feet, and back hurt. They've rocked as much as they can and they're beginning to drop out. It brings you closer to the stage and the disappointment you were feeling when douchebag and his girlfriend cut in front of you goes away. You're singing along, clapping your hands, taking pictures with your cell phone, gushing to your friend about how HOT the lead singer is, just flat out enjoying yourself. Then the song that EVERYONE knows comes along and you all sing as if you're in a sorority together and we're all having a great time!
• It's the same with what's now become your lifestyle change. Other people have dropped out and moved on. But if you've kept up with it and so have just a few of your friends, you're all congratulating other. It's a sister hood, each of you know just what the other needs to do to lose weight that week. You keep each other on track with your water and calorie check each other now and again. You start talking about the sizes that you've dropped and the pictures that you take now and you realize how much better you look. You're ready for the home stretch.

5. The End

• As you're leaving the concert, you're yelling because you can no longer hear each other. The smile on your face and the memories you've made are amazing. You talk about how you need to grab the band's cd's out of their cases and stick them on your iTunes. You're so excited and happy you made the journey even though that earlier douchebag threatened your good time.
• This is how I hope the end of my weightloss journey is. I'm smiling and the memories I have are amazing. I will be so happy that I finally made it and even happier that I began the journey.

In closing, the concert we went to was freakin' amazing! I hope that when I'm 46, I look as good as Gavin Rossdale does. I'm so happy that I made the memories I did and I wouldn't give anything for them – ever. That's the way I feel about this journey. The road is hard and long, but the memories I'm making I will take with me forever!

I tend to excel at getting my front row's or close to front row's at General Admission concerts because I have my eyes on the prize. I'll do the same with this.

Leaving you with pictures I've gotten of Gavin Rossdale and Brantley Gilbert.

 

Compassion

Compassion

You may notice I haven't written in the past few weeks. It's just because I really haven't had a whole lot to say. Everything is going the way it should be as far as my weight loss. It's continuing at a great pace and I'm super excited about hitting 50 pounds!

I saw something a few days ago that I decided I wanted to write about here. Most of you may have seen the video of the elderly, overweight, bus monitor who got completely ridiculed by the students she was monitoring on the bus. If you haven't, you should really go watch it and make your kids, nieces, nephews, little cousins, or anyone else who is at an age that is impressionable. It broke my heart.

This woman – 68 years old and still working was just doing a job. She was sitting there, minding her own business when these teenagers started calling her every foul name in the book. They ridicule her about her weight, calling her a fat ass. Then they ridicule her about the fact that she's probably poor. They even go so far as to say that her family probably wants to kill themselves to not be around her because she's so fat.

If that had been an impressionable teen who felt bad about themselves, about their weight. Who knows? They may have gone home and done just that.

The lack of compassion and human decency from these kids just astounds me. Where they not taught right from wrong? Do they not believe that everyone has feelings? Do they not realize what kind of scars they leave on others?

It brought back many memories for myself. In high school, I had a great group of friends that never said anything about me. However, there were a few who said things and even when I'd walk on the street. I can still remember someone saying that I was so fat, if you broke my leg gravy would pour out. I can remember being at the movies and walking to the car and someone making a mooing noise and calling me a fat ass. That happened when I was a teenager. I am going on 31 years old and I still remember it. Those things hurt and if you have some sort of misconception that by making fun of someone you're 'helping' them. Let me assure you, it doesn't help at all. It makes you want to go home and eat more. It makes your self-esteem drop and it makes you feel worthless.

Just because people are different than you, whether they have a disability, are overweight, or all tattooed and pierced up – doesn't mean they aren't a human being. We should have all been taught common courtesy and human decency. If we lose that as people, then we have nothing. Change starts with one of us. We must teach the younger generation this – especially with the reports that half the nation will be obese in 20 years. It does no good to try and 'shame' them. Trust me, they have enough shame coming from their own thoughts.

Live by the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated and you will see just how amazing of a life you can have.

I am glad to say, I've overcome a lot of my past. I'm almost halfway to my goal. That bus monitor, the world has donated over $300,000 to give her a better life. Those people who called me names, I have no idea where they are. Those boys who made fun of the bus monitor could be facing criminal charges. There are consequences for the actions you make and words you say, so please choose them carefully. You never know when that one word you say will push someone over the edge.

Instead, wouldn't you prefer for that one word you say to be the catalyst that pushes someone to do something positive and change their life forever? Positivity never hurt anyone. Negativity has killed many a dream.

What's your decision?

Confidence....oh where did you go????

When I weighed-in this week, I realized something. I weigh less now than I did when I was 21 years old. I need to get down about another 26 pounds to weigh what I did when I was 19, but I'll get there! When I was 20 I went on Weight Watchers for the first time (of many)! That only lasted about 5 months.

It's amazing how long I've been 'trying' to lose weight. I don't feel like I've ever succeeded until now. Truthfully I've not 'succeeded' yet though. I have a long way to go. I still worry every week that this may be the week I decide not to do this anymore. Sometimes when I'm logging food or going for my daily walks, I think is this ever going to be done? I long for the days when I don't have to be so focused on it. Then I realize that for me, I'm always going to have to be focused on it. I don't think I can ever allow myself to go 'off this wagon'.

I struggle with those thoughts almost every day. I wonder where my confidence in myself went to. Granted, I have more confidence now than I did when I weighed 44 pounds heavier, but I don't have nearly the confidence I had at 21. Weighing what I weigh now and at 21 is so different. Then I thought....I'm cute.  Now I'm like...damn girl your arms are huge!  It's so different now at 30 and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I had retreated so far into myself with the feelings of not being worthy of anything because I was so heavy. Maybe it's because I had sunken so deep in thoughts that everything good about me was focused on what I weighed.

I'm trying to get over it – I really am, but it's a struggle. I want that confidence that I had back. Before I wondered if people were staring at me and laughing, before I worried about fitting everywhere.

It'll get here, slowly but surely. Just like my journey, but once I get it. I'm never losing it again!  I'm going to try and focus on what that saying up top says and try to forget about pointless and useless things.  What matters is I am doing this and I will get to an end point.  I just can't allow myself to get so wrapped up in the little things that are just that...little things that cause distractions. 

For now, I'm going to focus on my 50 pounds and trying to run a little bit every day.  I'm going to try not to waste any of the time I have here because none of us are guaranteed tomorrow....

Amusement Parks

Four years ago, I took my honeymoon at Disney.  It definitely wasn't the 'happiest place on earth' for me.  It was miserable.  I weighed about 30 more pounds and it hurt to walk, it hurt to stand, and I almost didn't fit into a few rides.  Since then I've been too worried, too embarrassed, to try to do anything like that anymore.

This week though, my friend, April, had free tickets to Holiday World and asked me if I wanted to go with her.  I at first said no because I was very self conscious and frankly scared.  People who don't have a weight problem don't understand.  When you go to a place like this, you worry.  There's a multitude of questions you ask yourself.

• Am I going to be the fattest person at the park?
• Am I going to embarrass myself by huffing and puffing up the hills?
• Will I be able to fit in the rides?
• If I can fit in the rides, will it be comfortable?
• Am I going to look like a beached whale at the water park?
• Will people point and laugh at me when I take my cover up off?

All of these things play in your mind and I don't know that anybody who's lived this life EVER gets over it or doesn't think about it.  We (me) let those thoughts keep us from doing the things that we want most in life.  Our thoughts are the most debilitating and crippling roadblocks in this journey besides self-control. 

I hadn't worn a bathing suit in 10 years and I hadn't been to an amusement park in the 4 years.  I hemmed and hawed about it for most of the week.  I didn't have a bathing suit and I was worried that I wouldn't fit in the rides.

My friends ending up making the decision for me. Out of the goodness of their hearts, they went and bought me a bathing suit and told me to go have fun (I seriously have absolutely the BEST friends in the world!).  I decided to do just that and I am SO glad that I did!

I fit in every ride, even had PLENTY of room after I tightened the seat belts on the roller coasters.  I wore my bathing suit in public and while I did feel a little self conscious about it, that went away  after a few minutes or so.  I walked up and down the hills with no problem and I had a great time!

Today, I do feel like I've been in a car accident, but I think that's because of the wooden coasters that we went on.  I wouldn't change anything at all about yesterday and I am so ready to keep losing weight. This truly is the best thing I've EVER done for myself!!

40 Pounds...what????

I'm in some uncharted territory here people! I have lost 40.7 pounds since January 1^st! I've actually had many little goals here lately & I think I need to celebrate them!

• I'm almost walking 1.2 miles in under 21 minutes. Keep in mind, that is not flat, this is with 2 hills both ways.
• I bought a 'regular sized' shirt from Old Navy. It wasn't in the plus size section or anything!
• I've become more open with people the last 5 months.
• I didn't let a weight gain and a neutral week the last couple of weeks knock me for a loop.
• I've lost 8 points on my BMI.
• I've lost 14% of my body weight.
• I am 84 pounds away from my goal, I remember when that was over 100!!
• I have a TAN!! I haven't ever had a tan because I sat inside all day and was too afraid I would burn because I'm so white. But from walking everyday, I've gotten a freakin' tan!!

This lifestyle change has gotten easier and I'm hardly hungry anymore, but it's still something I have to be completely cognizant of. Just like last night, I was hanging around with some friends, we were up until after midnight and I went on a midnight snack run. I don't do that EVERYDAY, but still, that's old habits!

I'm hoping to do another 5K in Nashville in October called The Color Run. I think I have a group of people that want to do it with me, so it should be fun!

Not a whole lot to report other than that. I'm feeling good, I'm trying to get halfway – 19.3 more pounds – and then I can focus on the rest of the journey. Hoping to hit 50 by the end of next month because I've promised myself a new hairdo and my hair is getting LONG! It's hot in this Kentucky humidity.

Will take another when I get to 50!!!

I can't tell you how proud I am to say right now that 

I made a resolution on January 1^st and almost 6 months later I am sticking to it!

Many Successes!

I've been a very busy lady since I posted my last blog.

1. I became an aunt.
2. I had my first weight gain.
3. I walked my first 5K.
4. I broke the 35 pound lost barrier.

The weight gain was not unexpected, we ate out a lot the week of my niece being born. She's adorable and cute and every other noun used to describe babies! We actually ate one night just to stay awake – we were up for almost 24 hours at one point. It was not a huge surprise when I got on the scale and saw the gain.

At that point, I had to figure out what I was going to do about it though. Would I let that weight gain define four months of hard work or would I let that be the motivation I needed?

I got my answer. It motivated me! It helped me to break the 35 pound barrier and I am heading quickly for 40!!

- - - - - -

My first 5K! My father-in-law asked me a while ago if I would be interested in walking one with him and I said yes. It just so happened to be the weekend after my weight gain. I've been walking everyday, but never that distance at one time. It was very cold and rainy, which was weird considering how hot it's been here lately. That ended up kind of working in my favor though as I don't do well in heat. When we started I was very nervous – afraid that I would walk across the finish line last. As we were walking, I began to realize that I wasn't doing too bad. He kept asking if I was ok and I was. I'm used to walking hills where I normally walk, this was flat. So I guess that made it easier. We ended up finishing in 51 minutes. I'd say we were pretty close to the middle. There were a lot in front of us, but there were also a lot behind us.

Before I could barely walk half a mile in 20 minutes, much less over 3 miles in 51.

I've come a long way, but I have a very long way to go yet. I will keep trucking because I have a goal and for the first time ever, I feel like I'm going to reach it! All I had to do was get started and do what I know is right.

If you're struggling, just get started. You have no idea how much that will resonate with you once you do!

I'm Back!

So, the last few weeks, I taken the weeks off from blogging. I was kind of disappointed in myself – even though that's kind of crazy – considering how far I've come. After seeing such big numbers that .5 pound was like a slap in the face. Of course, I knew that it was coming. I ate well, but my sodium was through the roof. That's something that will put the weight on me faster than anything else I do.

I worked hard though. I worked hard not to let that .5 loss derail me. For a split second, I really thought about giving up. I thought if I can't do at least 1.5 every week, then what am I doing here? Then I realized that was a stupid position to take. It was selfish and a bit bratish. Then the next week, my loss was bigger, but still smaller than what I was used to. Same with the next week. I wondered what I was doing 'wrong'. I don't know why I thought I was doing something wrong, but I guess I got spoiled in these big weight losses I had been having.

I had to sit down and have a talk with myself.

I also talked to other people who are doing or have done this. The biggest thing I heard from everyone was maybe you need to increase your calories. That scared me. Big time! I was netting anywhere from 900-1100 a day and the general consensus was that I should try to get as close to 1200 net a day that I could. So that's what I tried to do this week. It was hard, making myself eat sometimes. At the end of the day, I'd look and see sometimes I had about a hundred calories to go & I'd go get something real quick. I was scared it would give me the license to pretty much eat for the sake of eating. Surprisingly, I didn't feel that way. I made good decisions on what to eat except for a Little Debbie snack I allowed myself for dessert.

Sometimes I have to keep remind myself that my journey is not over. I still have a long way to go – 90.2 more pounds. But let's put this into perspective.

Since January 1^st, I have lost 35.3 pounds. My 'smaller' clothes are getting a bit bigger. My BMI has gone down 6.9 points. Most of all though? My confidence and self-esteem is through the roof and I'm happier. That is the biggest gift of all with this journey I'm on.

So this coming week, I'm gonna try not to be so impatient with myself. I am doing a great job. It'll happen. Not on my time line, but when it's supposed to. So here I go, ready to hit 40 pounds lost. With the support of everybody and my own determination, I'll be there in no time!

Trusting Myself....

One thing I've had a hard time with this week is trusting that doing everything right would mean I would get results. I haven’t trusted myself in being able to enjoy the spontaneous dinners that got me to this weight. I was scared to, to be quiet honest. That’s like handing an alcoholic a fifth of whiskey.

All that kinda came to halt this week. I had 3 instances of unplanned eating out. I worried about it all week, but I followed my plan all of the other days. Even on the days I ate out, I still kept within my calories, but my sodium was THROUGH THE ROOF!! Everyone kept telling me that it would be ok, that if I did gain, it would be the first time in 11 weeks and at some point it’s going to happen. I told myself that too, but I hoped for the best.

I lost -2.2 pounds.

I’ve decided I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m not going to worry myself to death about meals that sometimes are out of my control. Unless I went overboard and ate 3 days worth of food in one meal, it’s not that big of a deal.

It showed me something. That I can trust myself. That I can let lose maybe some of the reigns I’ve had. My frame of mind is different now and I’m not going to automatically go for that fried chicken or mac and cheese. I’m not automatically going to get an appetizer, meal, and then a dessert. I have changed. I’m not the same person I was 11 weeks & 29.5 pounds ago.

I don’t recognize that person anymore. Literally. None of my clothes fit anymore and half my shoes don’t. I’m not keeping all those big clothes either, those are being given away. I have a very small wardrobe that I can fit into at this point, but I’ll take it. Hopefully I’ll be moving even further down in the next few months.

Oh and that weight I was talking about that I don’t recognize myself at a few blog posts ago? I’m there. At this point, I’m a whole new me. I have an entirely different outlook on what I can do with this. When I first started, I thought if I lose 30 pounds by May I will have REALLY accomplished something. It’s March and I’m there. Imagine what I can do by May?

I’m going to keep at this. I’m going to keep on keeping on and I’ll hit my goal. Hopefully sooner rather than later. 95 more pounds to go!

I walked 1.2 miles today. I couldn’t even walk half a mile in January. I had my blood work re-done. My cholesterol is 169, my sugar is 87, my triglycerides are 138. Last time I had all that done, it was in the danger zone - in NOVEMBER! If I can do this, you can too! I”m one of the people who can say I’ve kept my New Year’s promise to myself. For the first time since, well, ever.


Are you? If not, it’s not too late to jump back on or even get started.

Confessions

Today I logged into My Fitness Pal for the 70^th day in a row. In 70 days I've accomplished much more than I ever truly believed I could do when I first started out.

• I've lost 27.3 pounds. That's .39 pounds a day...pretty decent!

• I've gone from a 4X shirt to a comfortable 2X in most cases.

• I've gone from a size 26 jean that was really tight to a size 24 that's starting to get loose.

• I've gone from a size 9 in my shoes to 8.5.

• My wedding and engagement rings almost fall off now if my hand gets wet.

• My glasses are even a little big.

• For the first time since I can remember, I bought clothes from the 'regular' size side of the store last weekend.

• I've gone from not being able to walk far at all to pretty close to 2 miles a day. I am almost at the end of that road!!!

You might be wondering what my confession is. When I agreed to do this with my friends at work. I didn't really mean to do it all.

We've all talked at one time or another in the past few years about 'losing weight'. We'd do it for a few weeks and then we'd fall back into our old habits. In December when my friend told me that we needed to do this together. I said 'sure', like I always do, but I really didn't plan to do it. Even the first day of January I really didn't take it seriously.

I can't tell you what made me take it seriously. I still don't know. All I know is one day I was saying sure, ready to completely half-ass this and the next day I had a scale out measuring my food.

Divine intervention is my best guess. God knew what I needed and He flipped the switch in my head to make me realize it.

It's become a habit for me now and for the most part, my cravings are gone. I do still feel hungry every once in a while and sometimes I really do want that fast food, but I've come up with a bit of a system. Usually every Friday and Saturday night we eat out. Friday morning and Friday afternoon I also eat out, but I keep it under control. A kids Coke on Friday Morning is usually all the Coke I have for the week as well.

I think I'm happier and I think I have a lot more confidence in myself. I know I'm not skinny by any means, but I just feel better about myself. I'm learning to love myself a bit more & I can't wait until week 12 when I can take new progress pictures and compare them to week 1. I think that will tell a lot.

Another confession. I dread the week I get on that scale and it either goes up or stays the same. I know this level of weight loss will not go on forever. I'm not sure how I will react to it – and that's what scares me.

As of this week, the group that I'm losing weight with at work has hit 93.3 pounds! We've lost a skinny teenager!

I'm so ready to punch through my next goal of 30 pounds!

Tangible Results!

This week, I've surprised myself. I know that I keep saying this, but I really did. I lost 3.8 pounds! The most since the first week I started this. I'm almost to the point where I can say I have less than 10o pounds that I want to lose. I started this wanting to lose 125.5 pounds. That still puts me a little bit heavy on the BMI scale because of my height, but I think I'll be happy at that weight. If not, I will continue to work on losing a bit more. I don't remember myself at anything less than 200 pounds – seriously – so I don't know how I'll feel about it. I can barely remember myself at this weight. I know that I went to the doctor for bronchitis the January or February of the year I got married (2008) and I weighed 5 pounds less than I do right now. I still can't remember what I looked like then though.

That's tangible. That's something I can remember and something I can see.

After I had my little freak out a week or so ago, I think I'm more determined than ever. I feel better about myself. I feel happier. I think I walk with my head a little higher. I think I walk a little faster.

Figuratively and physically I'm getting a little further down the road every week. There's a road that we walk on at work. Every week I have a goal until I get to the end of this road. Some days I feel like it's going to kill me. Other days I feel so accomplished because I've made it. I keep track of how long it takes me with an app on my phone and everyday I push for it to be quicker. Some days I shave off 10-20 seconds. Some days it's a little slower and I'm ok with that.

I've had two more tangible results this week. A friend of mine said it would be cool if we went zip lining. I can remember someone mentioning that last year and I looked into it. My heart sank and I didn't tell anyone, but I was too heavy to go. I was higher than the weight requirement. It hurt, but did that make me do anything. No...if anything I gained 10 more pounds. Weird how that works huh? When she mentioned it, I couldn't remember how much the weight requirement was and I wasn't goin to say anything. Instead, I went to the website and clicked on the FAQ and saw the question. I was nervous as I clicked it. My palms were sweating and my heart was racing. I didn't want to have to tell someone I was still too heavy to do this. When I clicked, I almost cried. I'm a full 10 pounds now BELOW what the high weight is. Excited does not even begin to describe how I felt!

Another tangible result is a picture that was taken of me. When I started this in January, a few days after I announced it to everyone, I asked my friend to take a picture of me. As a starting out point. It just so happened Thursday, I was wearing the same outfit and everyone was commenting on how lose my clothes were. On a whim, I asked her to take another picture. The side by side was amazing!!! I can now SEE that hard work is paying off. I am more motivated than ever & I can't wait to see how far this journey takes me!!!

his is that picture. Notice how unhappy and uncomfortable I look in the first? I'm glad I don't look like that anymore!

Mentality....

For the second time in two months, I have hit a goal. I have been successful! Successful!!! I can't tell you the last time I did that when it comes to weight loss. I feel like I've been failing at it for 9 years. Because of that, it's hard for me to realize that I AM doing this. I AM succeeding.

It's never been harder than it has been this week. I think that an incident last Sunday triggered it. There was a 60^th birthday party for a family member at a Mexican Restaurant. In an attempt to walk some of it off, my husband and I went walking around the local mall. I was complaining about my clothes being too big, so I was kind of looking at things I may be able to get. When we were in one store, I saw a shirt that I really, really liked. I knew that there was no way I could fit into it, but Michael convinced me to try it on.

I couldn't get it over my chest.

Talk about disappointment. I felt like a failure, I felt embarrassed, I cried. It was really horrible and it really took me to Wednesday to recover from it. In the end, I learned that it actually was a Junior's size and neither one of us noticed that. I learned that on Monday, but I still felt horrible about myself. I felt larger than I did at my top weight. I was completely uncomfortable about everything to do with myself. Until I saw a picture comparison of where I started out & where I am now. If you are on this journey – TAKE PICTURES!!!!! Without those, I would still be a complete depressed mess and probably would have stopped. It's sad, but it's true. And this blog is nothing – if not the truth.

Instead of stopping though, I looked at those pictures. I gave myself a pep talk and reminded myself of how far I had come. Then I went to Fashion Bug – where I knew I could fit into the clothes and surprised myself. I got into the smaller size down shirt (two sizes smaller in a different cut) and the next smaller size of jeans (which would be 2 sizes since that's the way they go). That was tangible & I felt much better about myself.

Michael also made the comment that he thinks I'm now in better physical shape than him. That has NEVER happened and made me feel good. He also got us Your Shape Fitness Evolved for the Kinetic. I ran for 3 straight minutes without stopping. I couldn't have done that two months ago.

This is going to be a mental game for me – seeing myself at a smaller weight & being able to accept the compliments that people are giving me. It's hard to do, but I'm working on it. I'm also working on being realistic in my goals and not letting one little thing set me back.

Again, the only person that can stop me is myself!

Support...

In my 7^th week of my lifestyle change, I want to talk about something that has come to mean everything to me. The support of my friends & family.

The reason this means so much to me is because I am the girl who cried ‘wolf’. You may not understand that, so let me explain.

The last time I was ‘serious’ about losing weight was back when I was 21 years old. That was the last time I really lost weight – meaning over 20 pounds. That January to May, I lost right at 30 pounds. I was just starting to feel good about myself and then I de-railed. I don’t remember what happened that made me de-rail. Maybe I got cocky. Knowing myself, that’s a good possibility.

Since then, I have tried to lose weight at least once a year – every year. So for almost 10 years I’ve tried to lose weight. I’ve never gotten over the 15-20 pound mark, heck I may not even have gotten that far. To be honest with you, I don’t remember. It’s all kind of a blur. It’s been years of me half-assing it, trying to make it seem like I cared.

In reality I didn’t care, I just didn’t want to be seen as that fat girl who didn’t do anything to change her situation. In hindsight, all those stops and starts were really annoying. I would tell everyone I was going to lose weight & I’d be successful for a few weeks, then something would happen and I would give up. I really am disappointed in myself about those stops & starts. If I would have never stopped, I would already be where I want to be.

Regardless though, my friends and family would always be behind me. No matter if I lost 5 pounds and then I was done or not.

Something finally clicked in my head though this January. I can’t do this just because I want to. This is work, this is hard work. I decided to tell everybody that I know what I’m doing. I’m blessed that a group of friends that I work with decided to do this with me. They are the same ones who have had my back every time I’ve decided to this. The difference is this time, I am in this. So are they!

Without the support of those around me, I know that I couldn’t do this. One of my friends told me it’s my willpower doing this and I’m doing it alone. That’s not the case in my mind. I feel like we’re all part of a sorority, willing to help each other when we need it. I need help walking. I absolutely hate it, but I love the little bit of exercise it gives me. There are some days that I feel like I can’t go on. Those days my friends are in front of me, encouraging me to continue going. There are days when I feel like I have made no progress. My husband is there reminding me I’ve lost almost 20 pounds.

This is not something I’m doing alone. I have a village. I am truly thankful for every one of the people supporting me. I read every comment left & I appreciate every kind word said. It means everything to me and keeps me going!

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Two things this week have been amazing! I was able to move my steering wheel ALL THE way down. I haven't done that in I don't know how long. My belly was either in the way or it touched it. It doesn't do that anymore. And.....the 3 ladies I am basically losing weight with at work have done awesome as well. Since we all started this together (keep in mind one started in late November)..we've lost 78 pounds. I am extremely proud of us!

Quality of Life

This week I’ve been really involved in My Fitness Pal. One of the people over there that I’m following mentioned her husband was wishy washy about her weight loss initiative. Half the time he was really behind her, half the time he wasn’t.

His reasoning? You only have one life to live.

Say what? It’s true, we do only have one life to live. But who chooses to live it like this?

Who wants to be worried if you can run fast enough or far enough to outrun the zombies in the apocalypse? Who wants to be worried if you’ll be able to be old enough to have grandchildren? Who wants to be worried if you’ll ever be able to have someone lift you off your feet and spend you around?

We are given one life – that’s true. But what about our quality of life? Those of us stuck in this rut and in these bodies have no quality. We may be happy sure, but how much happier could we be? We’ll never know until we take the chance to be everything that we can. For me, that means being a person who is in shape and can enjoy doing WHATEVER I want to do with my life.

I’m sick of being the person who is huffing and puffing as I bring up the rear when we’re going on walks. I don’t have to be the lead person, but I want to at least be able to ‘go with the flow’. I want to go back to Gatlinburg to Wonder Works and be able to do the cool stuff without hitting that weight limit. I want to go back to Disney World and not dread that walk from the bus to the park. Then dread the entire walk around the park. The whole time I was there on my honeymoon, no less, all I could think about was ‘how much further am I going to have to walk today’. I couldn’t really enjoy myself. Granted, I had pulled a muscle in my leg, but I have no doubt that it would have still been like that. I want to get up at 7AM, go to a park when it opens, have them open those gates and know that I can walk until 7PM that night and still be ready to go. I want that, badly.

I’m going to get it this time. Because that’s what I’m after – a great quality of life!

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To the person who said to try roasted vegetables....I did & they are amazing! Thank you!!

Addiction....

Addiction to Food?? Really??

This week I've done a lot of soul-searching about this journey I've been on. So far in the first 5 weeks of the year, I've lost almost 13 pounds. The ticker on the side rounds up. I've really lost 12.7 pounds. I've done a lot of wondering about how I let myself get this way. In the past I've had a lot of excuses. The way I grew up, the fact that I was born pre-mature – the list goes on and on.

But...this is the year without excuses. Right? I began to wonder...has my family history played into my weight – just a little bit? Not as an excuse, but as a reason to understand.

My family has a history of addiction, on both sides. My cousin and I talked about this once. We laughed and said we'd rather be addicted to food rather than what the rest of our family is addicted to. Alcohol, hard core drugs, prescription drugs. Now I'm not so sure. I've thought about it a lot. Is it really better to be addicted to food?

In my mind (in the past), I made myself feel better about the food addiction by again making excuses. I told myself that at least I wasn't hurting myself or my family. At least I wasn't spending all my money on drugs. At least I wasn't zoned out of my mind all the time. At least I wasn't so drunk that I couldn't function. Now I realize that I was wrong. Very wrong.

An addiction to food can hurt you. It can cause you die young of a heart attack. It can cause you to be in so much physical pain – because of being overweight – that it can make you take medicine to make yourself feel better. It can cause you so much mental pain that it can also make you take medication to make yourself feel better.

There is no GOOD addiction. They all affect you badly in some way. I'm through making excuses for mine. I'm breaking this addiction. One pound at a time. As I posted on my facebook. I am refusing to let other people's bad decisions, stupidity, and lack of regard for those around them affect me! Last year I would have reached for a pint of ice cream, today I went shopping for nail polish. I will not be derailed because others don't know when to grow up!

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This week, I am going to try something new. Like I did with the coffee a few weeks ago. I'm going to try to make some roasted vegetables in the oven like the anonymous commenter suggested last week. I've never been a huge vegetable eater, but I'm working on it! I'm working very hard on me and I'm starting to like who I am.

Reached A Goal!!

At the end of my first four weeks of my lifestyle change, I have lost 10.3 pounds. I hit the goal of 10 pounds that I wanted to reach in the first month of weight loss. It feels great!!!!!

To put that into perspective....

• 2 Chihuahua's

• A sack of potatoes

• an Easter ham

• Half of my cat Beau Beau (he's pleasantly plump)

On top of what I've lost, I've learned a lot as well!

I've learned that it is much easier to do this when you tell everyone that you are planning to lose weight! You may get a lot of other people involved with you! Seven of the nine people that I work with have also decided to try and lose weight. Together all of us want to lose a combined total of 465 pounds. Yesterday was the first day that we started weighing in. With four of us weighing in we lost a total of 10 pounds!

I've learned that the hunger pains hit worse when I'm bored. Proving that I'm probably not really hungry, just bored! When that happens, I try to get up and do something. I think Michael is sick of seeing me clean house! I've found though that if I keep busy, it's easier for me to reach my goals.

I've learned I like home cooked food more than I thought I would. Of course it's a pain to clean up and such, but now when I eat out, it doesn't taste as good as it used to. I don't crave it like I did the first few weeks of this journey.

I've learned that there are so many people who feel the same way as I do. Whether it be messages on facebook, emails, texts, or telling me in person – I've never felt like such a part of a group. Here, I thought I was lonely and I thought I was the only one that ever had these feelings of inadequacy. It's nice to know I'm not!!!!

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My caffeine experiment this week has gone better than I thought. I've had some and been a bit grouchy, but for the most part I've stayed away from Coke. I'm starting small because I have NEVER liked coffee at all. This week I've been drinking the small Starbucks bottles of Vanilla Frappe. At 200 calories it's still less calories than what I was drinking with my morning Coke. This weekend, I found some of the 'light' version that's only 100 calories. If I could get used to the taste of coffee in the orginal Frappe, then I can get used to the less calorie one. Like everything I've done so far, this coffee thing will be a process. If I can really taste the coffee in a Vanilla Frappe, then this may be a very long process!!

Choices - I'm Making The Right Ones!

Little changes are becoming apparent in my day to day life that make me think this lifestyle change may actually be taking root in my brain. I may actually be making SMART decisions when it comes to choices I'm given.

Examples 1 & 2

My husband and I were at Walmart grocery shopping last night. It was a process as we went later than we normally go, it was super crowded, and neither one of us were in the best of moods. We were looking for one more snack for him. Something that he can eat and it not be too caloric. Going up and down the aisles was beginning to wear on us both. He had tried the frozen pineapple that you can get in the frozen section. I believe it's by Dole. It's already in it's own little cup and already cut up into a serving size. I love the strawberries, but he doesn't like the texture of the frozen fruit. So as we were wondering up and down the aisles and my patience was wearing thin, we came to the canned fruit aisle. He grabbed a can of fruit and looked at the back and cursed loudly when he realized it was much more than he wanted to spend calorie wise and then asked me how my frozen fruit was so much less. I told him I figured it was the difference in that the canned fruit is in sugar water and the frozen fruit is just by itself. Deciding to put it back, he started looking at other things in the same aisle. I spotted the apple sauce and asked if he liked it. He said ohhh sweet, in the way normally does (if you know him) and asked me if I liked it. I immediately said no and then the light bulb went off. I said I take that back. In the past I didn't like it, I'm not sure if I do now or not, so I will have to try it again.

That brings me to example number 2. When we were FINALLY done in the boughs of hell that was Walmart on Saturday evening we were both hungry. In fact I think that's why I was so impatient and grouchy. I'm on an eating schedule now. He asked if we had enough calories to eat out, I told him that I KNEW I did. He said he did too. We were right at the Walmart by Zaxby's and I could TASTE that Hot Honey Mustard Chicken Finger in my mouth. I made the suggestion and hubby said we could go there, but he would have to get something small. That's when it hit me. He weighs in on Monday and here I am encouraging him to cheat on a day that is NOT a designated cheat day. I felt like poo on the bottom of my shoe. I told him that he's supported me so much that it's wrong of me not to support him. Instead we went to Subway. Which reminds me, I will DEFINITELY be getting the flatbread there from now on. The bread there is KILLER to the calorie count. Small steps!

Example 3

Last Thursday work ordered Griffs. Griffs is probably my FAVORITE sandwich place here in town. I normally get a wrap from there and I wanted it, badly! But alas my weigh-in day is Friday and I knew that I was heading towards a good weigh-in. I resisted temptation. It was rough, but then when I heard everyone else commiserating on how full they were and how miserable they were, I knew that I had made the right choice. I knew that even more when I weighed on Friday and saw a weight loss of over 2 pounds. However, I was still craving that Griffs. Instead I decided to make my own at home. It ended up being awesome and so good! I'm going to end up having some for lunch this week instead of my frozen meals.

Example 4

Friday night Michael and I went to Mariah's for our cheat meal. I had saved quiet a few calories, so I was looking at a steak on the menu. I looked and what I saw was a 10 ounce. That's what I was going to have – even thought it was a bit bigger than what I wanted. So when the waitress came back to take our order, she asked me if I wanted the entree or the classic. In the past, I would have just said entree, because that's what I saw on the menu and that's what I had my mind set on. Instead, I asked what the difference was and she told me that the classic was a 6 ounce steak. I said give me that one instead. It ended up being just enough food with my side. I wasn't miserable when I was done. I was content.

I'm starting to learn what that means to be content and I'm starting to learn what it means to leave a little bit on your plate. I feel so much better about being content rather than being stuffed. It's not nearly as tiring.

My thought process is changing and I'm finding out things about myself that I never really knew. It's going to be an ongoing mental process my entire life, I think. At least I'm making better choices now though and I am fully thinking things through. It will all come easier once I get to the 6 week mark – or so I've heard. I haven't gotten to the 6 week mark in anything like this since I was 21 years old. My mind is where it should be, I just have to make sure it stays there.

This week, my new adventure is coffee!

I sincerely want to thank all my family, friends, friends of friends, and people I don't know for the support you've shown me so far. I love you all and I truly don't know what I would do without every single one of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Truth!!!

Saw this today and it hit home!!!!

Realization and Normality

Today, I came to an amazing realization. It may end up being a very important realization, but I truly won’t know until I’m at the end of my journey.

I ate lunch out today.

Why is this significant? Today is the first day besides my ‘cheat’ day a week that I have ordered lunch out at work. It’s amazing how food can affect how you feel. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed before.

Originally, I ordered a children’s grilled chicken breast and fries. Instead they gave me two fried chicken fingers and fries. Not an hour after I ate, I was dragging. I mean really dragging. I haven’t done this in roughly 2 weeks. Since I've been on this lifestyle change I've eaten what I'm supposed to when I'm supposed to and my cheat days have really been my only cheat days.

I see why now!

I felt sick, I felt greasy, I was SO tired! It was horrible! On top of it all, it didn't taste as good as I remembered. So it was pretty disappointing. Scratch that, it was majorly disappointing!

I'm trying to decide if this means I'm over the hump. That I've broken my 'addiction' to fast food. Before I literally craved it. Now, not so much.

Michael and I now have usually one night a week that we go out to eat and I track those calories. It's usually Friday night which is my cheat night. I've been pretty good about keeping within my calories even on my cheat night.

Really though, food cooked at home tastes good to me. Before it didn't, but now it does. I'm very aware of the fact though that it will take a small shift in the way I feel about something to cause me to derail. I have to keep going at this, I have to make this first nature to me. Instead of when I get off work wanting to drop by McDonald's and getting a 20 piece chicken nugget, I have to want to get off work and WANT to go home and cook dinner.

It's a process, but it's a process I'm working towards. It's a process that may be a lifetime thing for me. It may never become first nature for me. I hope and pray that it does, but if it doesn't, that's just something I'll have to learn to deal with.

Nobody said this would be easy and so far it hasn't been. But I love the way I feel about myself right now and I love seeing the numbers on the scales get smaller each week. For now, I'm going to have to build on that and hope that
one day my entire life won't revolve around food.

I want to be normal........

-I also turned on commenting for anonymous for those of you who were saying that you couldn't comment. Please comment away! Give me strength!!-

Trying New Things....

Trying New Things

One of the things that being overweight has kept me from doing is trying new things. This applies everywhere in my life. From the food I eat to the vacations I take. From the food I eat? What? You might be saying. Well let me explain.

It’s been so easy, basically all my life, to be afraid of change. To not want anything at all to change. It almost like this extra weight I have on my body is my security blanket. If I have it there between me and the rest of the world then it keeps me from having to put myself out there. It helps me to be a loner.

This past year though, I’ve opened myself up. I’ve made new friends and tried new things. My point of view is changing. My tastes are changing. Before, it wasn’t unheard of me to say “I don’t like that!”, without ever really trying it. I know, I know, people who know me in everyday life are dying of surprise.

But I am now a changed woman. If I don’t really know if I like it or not, I’m taking the chance and trying it. Whether it be one of those vegetables I thought nasty before or doing a few lunges in the privacy of my own home. I’m not ready to do those down the hallway like some co-workers of mine.

The point is, sometimes I put myself into this little, lonely hole. Why I don’t know. People seem to like me. I seem funny. I seem like I’m someone who is a very good friend. I have people that tell me that – maybe not on a day to day basis, but more than occasionally. However for the past few years, it’s seemed like I haven’t felt worthy of it MYSELF. Like I thought because I let myself get this way I shouldn’t have fun, I shouldn’t have friends, I shouldn’t be loved by others. It’s a very dark place to be in and a very lonely place.

But that’s the funny thing. You become comfortable with your own thoughts, with your own company. You begin to like it and get irritated at those who try to encroach on it. It took my husband, who I love dearly, really hurting my feelings about a year ago to make me to want to start to change.

Gradually, I built up some relationships and friendships. It wasn’t easy. For someone who hates change, it was odd for me to say I had someone to do things with. Then one person turned into two, and two turned into three, and three turned into four. Am I EVER going to be the life of the party? I don’t think so, but there is absolutely no reason I should let the way I LOOK affect how I FEEL about myself that much.

It’s shameful really. I missed out on people who could have been the best friends of my life. I purposely stayed away from things that I knew would be fun. I was miserable and depressed half the time and didn’t even see it.

But I do now.

While I do like my own company for the most part, I’ve learned a LOT in the past six months to a year. I’m kind of entertaining. I LIKE margarita nights with the girls and the occasional husband. I LIKE getting together to make crafts. I LIKE meeting at Barnes and Noble to discuss books. I LIKE going to see Brantley Gilbert play, even if it means having heat stroke in the middle of July.

But the two most important things I’ve learned? I’m the only one who can hold myself back and if you don’t try things, you’ll really never know if you like them or not.

Reason's I Want to Lose Weight

Reason’s I Want to Lose Weight.

1. To be healthier - I’m sick of going to my yearly physical that is required by my job and worrying about what they are going to tell me. Is this going to be the year they put me on some kind of medication for something? I’m 30 years old. I don’t want to be on any kind of medication. It’s even sad that I’m thinking that. It speaks a lot about the world that we live in - that I’m even thinking that as being some sort of solution before I thought of losing weight. I also don’t want to be the one slowing people down when I go walking with them. I want to be able to keep up with everyone else and not sound like the big bad wolf when he huffs and puffs the house down.

2. To wear ’regular’ clothes - I want to walk into a regular store in the mall and walk out with a bag of clothes. I don’t want to have to go to the ‘bigger women’ store or section of the store. I want to wear cute boots and not have to worry about them fitting over my huge calves. I want to be able to wrap a regular towel around myself when I get out of the shower. I don’t want it to be one of the beach towels. How embarrassing is that?

3. To feel good about myself - Most people who know me might not know exactly how bad about myself I feel. For the most part, I’m the one usually cracking jokes and making most of my friends laugh. I enjoy being that person most of the time, but it covers how I REALLY feel. In the back of my mind I’m always thinking horrible thoughts when I’m out with my friends. Do people wonder what the fat girl is doing out with the skinny girls? When I’m out by myself, I imagine people staring at me, wondering how I let myself get this way. I wonder how I let myself get this way. I haven’t even had children yet & here I am struggling with my weight.

4. I want to fit EVERYWHERE! - People who have never lived this life don’t know this fear. It usually makes me sweat and puts me in a bad mood. I tend to lash out at others, not meaning to when I get nervous about things like this, but it’s very embarrassing to me. I’m 5 foot so what extra weight I have is not dispersed in a whole lot of places. I have a large stomach. I don’t want to wonder if I’m going to fit in the booth if we go out to eat. I don’t want to wonder if the seatbelt is going to fit over me in some else’s car. I don’t want to be the reason someone can’t get past me when I’m sitting in the break room at work.

I have a lot more reasons that I want to lose weight, but these are the ones that are the most shameful for me. These are the reasons that I most want to lose weight. I’m leaving these here for a reminder that nothing tastes as good as being in shape feels.

Welcome

Hi! My name is Heather and I’m the person who always talks about what she’s going to do.

This year my resolution is do all the those things. The four things I’m always talking about doing are…

1. Losing Weight
2. Get my book self-published on Amazon by the end of the year.
3. Keep my house clean/organized.
4. A trip somewhere I’ve never been before.

- Losing weight is something I’ve wanted to do for years, but never had the motivation to do so. I guess I should say that’s not exactly true. I may be motivated for a month or maybe even three and then I’m not motivated anymore. This time, I have friends online, friends at work, and my husband who are all going through the same thing. There’s a lot of support around for me. I also feel differently about it this time. It feels like it’s going to be successful.

- Getting my book self-published on Amazon has been a dream of mine for a long time. In the last year, that’s also shifted and felt different. I’ve finished almost 3 books in the series that I’m writing. Just recently I’ve begun to share some of my writing with a very dear friend of mine & we are both working on our goals as writers together. I’m writing under the name of Laramie Briscoe and I do have a blog under that name that’s listed on the right-hand side.

- Keeping my house cleaned and organized has been a struggle since my husband and I moved in together. He’s a slacker and he’s rubbed off on me. Late last year, I did a huge clean of the house & I have to admit, it’s been a lot easier to keep up. I have a few more things that I want to do, but they can be done throughout the upcoming year.

- I have a couple of different opportunities this year to go to some places I’ve never been this year. Some friends and I are talking about going to Vegas. Another friend and I are hoping to do a trip in December.

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Over the next year, I hope to make posts here of how my life is changing and how my goals are being met. The worst part for me is staying motivated. I’m hoping by having this blog, it will hold me accountable.