Friday, June 22, 2012



You may notice I haven't written in the past few weeks. It's just because I really haven't had a whole lot to say. Everything is going the way it should be as far as my weight loss. It's continuing at a great pace and I'm super excited about hitting 50 pounds!

I saw something a few days ago that I decided I wanted to write about here. Most of you may have seen the video of the elderly, overweight, bus monitor who got completely ridiculed by the students she was monitoring on the bus. If you haven't, you should really go watch it and make your kids, nieces, nephews, little cousins, or anyone else who is at an age that is impressionable. It broke my heart.

This woman – 68 years old and still working was just doing a job. She was sitting there, minding her own business when these teenagers started calling her every foul name in the book. They ridicule her about her weight, calling her a fat ass. Then they ridicule her about the fact that she's probably poor. They even go so far as to say that her family probably wants to kill themselves to not be around her because she's so fat.

If that had been an impressionable teen who felt bad about themselves, about their weight. Who knows? They may have gone home and done just that.

The lack of compassion and human decency from these kids just astounds me. Where they not taught right from wrong? Do they not believe that everyone has feelings? Do they not realize what kind of scars they leave on others?

It brought back many memories for myself. In high school, I had a great group of friends that never said anything about me. However, there were a few who said things and even when I'd walk on the street. I can still remember someone saying that I was so fat, if you broke my leg gravy would pour out. I can remember being at the movies and walking to the car and someone making a mooing noise and calling me a fat ass. That happened when I was a teenager. I am going on 31 years old and I still remember it. Those things hurt and if you have some sort of misconception that by making fun of someone you're 'helping' them. Let me assure you, it doesn't help at all. It makes you want to go home and eat more. It makes your self-esteem drop and it makes you feel worthless.

Just because people are different than you, whether they have a disability, are overweight, or all tattooed and pierced up – doesn't mean they aren't a human being. We should have all been taught common courtesy and human decency. If we lose that as people, then we have nothing. Change starts with one of us. We must teach the younger generation this – especially with the reports that half the nation will be obese in 20 years. It does no good to try and 'shame' them. Trust me, they have enough shame coming from their own thoughts.

Live by the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated and you will see just how amazing of a life you can have.

I am glad to say, I've overcome a lot of my past. I'm almost halfway to my goal. That bus monitor, the world has donated over $300,000 to give her a better life. Those people who called me names, I have no idea where they are. Those boys who made fun of the bus monitor could be facing criminal charges. There are consequences for the actions you make and words you say, so please choose them carefully. You never know when that one word you say will push someone over the edge.

Instead, wouldn't you prefer for that one word you say to be the catalyst that pushes someone to do something positive and change their life forever? Positivity never hurt anyone. Negativity has killed many a dream.

What's your decision?

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Confidence....oh where did you go????

When I weighed-in this week, I realized something. I weigh less now than I did when I was 21 years old. I need to get down about another 26 pounds to weigh what I did when I was 19, but I'll get there! When I was 20 I went on Weight Watchers for the first time (of many)! That only lasted about 5 months.

It's amazing how long I've been 'trying' to lose weight. I don't feel like I've ever succeeded until now. Truthfully I've not 'succeeded' yet though. I have a long way to go. I still worry every week that this may be the week I decide not to do this anymore. Sometimes when I'm logging food or going for my daily walks, I think is this ever going to be done? I long for the days when I don't have to be so focused on it. Then I realize that for me, I'm always going to have to be focused on it. I don't think I can ever allow myself to go 'off this wagon'.

I struggle with those thoughts almost every day. I wonder where my confidence in myself went to. Granted, I have more confidence now than I did when I weighed 44 pounds heavier, but I don't have nearly the confidence I had at 21. Weighing what I weigh now and at 21 is so different. Then I thought....I'm cute.  Now I'm like...damn girl your arms are huge!  It's so different now at 30 and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I had retreated so far into myself with the feelings of not being worthy of anything because I was so heavy. Maybe it's because I had sunken so deep in thoughts that everything good about me was focused on what I weighed.

I'm trying to get over it – I really am, but it's a struggle. I want that confidence that I had back. Before I wondered if people were staring at me and laughing, before I worried about fitting everywhere.

It'll get here, slowly but surely. Just like my journey, but once I get it. I'm never losing it again!  I'm going to try and focus on what that saying up top says and try to forget about pointless and useless things.  What matters is I am doing this and I will get to an end point.  I just can't allow myself to get so wrapped up in the little things that are just that...little things that cause distractions. 

For now, I'm going to focus on my 50 pounds and trying to run a little bit every day.  I'm going to try not to waste any of the time I have here because none of us are guaranteed tomorrow....