Reached A Goal!!

At the end of my first four weeks of my lifestyle change, I have lost 10.3 pounds. I hit the goal of 10 pounds that I wanted to reach in the first month of weight loss. It feels great!!!!!

To put that into perspective....

• 2 Chihuahua's

• A sack of potatoes

• an Easter ham

• Half of my cat Beau Beau (he's pleasantly plump)

On top of what I've lost, I've learned a lot as well!

I've learned that it is much easier to do this when you tell everyone that you are planning to lose weight! You may get a lot of other people involved with you! Seven of the nine people that I work with have also decided to try and lose weight. Together all of us want to lose a combined total of 465 pounds. Yesterday was the first day that we started weighing in. With four of us weighing in we lost a total of 10 pounds!

I've learned that the hunger pains hit worse when I'm bored. Proving that I'm probably not really hungry, just bored! When that happens, I try to get up and do something. I think Michael is sick of seeing me clean house! I've found though that if I keep busy, it's easier for me to reach my goals.

I've learned I like home cooked food more than I thought I would. Of course it's a pain to clean up and such, but now when I eat out, it doesn't taste as good as it used to. I don't crave it like I did the first few weeks of this journey.

I've learned that there are so many people who feel the same way as I do. Whether it be messages on facebook, emails, texts, or telling me in person – I've never felt like such a part of a group. Here, I thought I was lonely and I thought I was the only one that ever had these feelings of inadequacy. It's nice to know I'm not!!!!

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My caffeine experiment this week has gone better than I thought. I've had some and been a bit grouchy, but for the most part I've stayed away from Coke. I'm starting small because I have NEVER liked coffee at all. This week I've been drinking the small Starbucks bottles of Vanilla Frappe. At 200 calories it's still less calories than what I was drinking with my morning Coke. This weekend, I found some of the 'light' version that's only 100 calories. If I could get used to the taste of coffee in the orginal Frappe, then I can get used to the less calorie one. Like everything I've done so far, this coffee thing will be a process. If I can really taste the coffee in a Vanilla Frappe, then this may be a very long process!!

Choices - I'm Making The Right Ones!

Little changes are becoming apparent in my day to day life that make me think this lifestyle change may actually be taking root in my brain. I may actually be making SMART decisions when it comes to choices I'm given.

Examples 1 & 2

My husband and I were at Walmart grocery shopping last night. It was a process as we went later than we normally go, it was super crowded, and neither one of us were in the best of moods. We were looking for one more snack for him. Something that he can eat and it not be too caloric. Going up and down the aisles was beginning to wear on us both. He had tried the frozen pineapple that you can get in the frozen section. I believe it's by Dole. It's already in it's own little cup and already cut up into a serving size. I love the strawberries, but he doesn't like the texture of the frozen fruit. So as we were wondering up and down the aisles and my patience was wearing thin, we came to the canned fruit aisle. He grabbed a can of fruit and looked at the back and cursed loudly when he realized it was much more than he wanted to spend calorie wise and then asked me how my frozen fruit was so much less. I told him I figured it was the difference in that the canned fruit is in sugar water and the frozen fruit is just by itself. Deciding to put it back, he started looking at other things in the same aisle. I spotted the apple sauce and asked if he liked it. He said ohhh sweet, in the way normally does (if you know him) and asked me if I liked it. I immediately said no and then the light bulb went off. I said I take that back. In the past I didn't like it, I'm not sure if I do now or not, so I will have to try it again.

That brings me to example number 2. When we were FINALLY done in the boughs of hell that was Walmart on Saturday evening we were both hungry. In fact I think that's why I was so impatient and grouchy. I'm on an eating schedule now. He asked if we had enough calories to eat out, I told him that I KNEW I did. He said he did too. We were right at the Walmart by Zaxby's and I could TASTE that Hot Honey Mustard Chicken Finger in my mouth. I made the suggestion and hubby said we could go there, but he would have to get something small. That's when it hit me. He weighs in on Monday and here I am encouraging him to cheat on a day that is NOT a designated cheat day. I felt like poo on the bottom of my shoe. I told him that he's supported me so much that it's wrong of me not to support him. Instead we went to Subway. Which reminds me, I will DEFINITELY be getting the flatbread there from now on. The bread there is KILLER to the calorie count. Small steps!

Example 3

Last Thursday work ordered Griffs. Griffs is probably my FAVORITE sandwich place here in town. I normally get a wrap from there and I wanted it, badly! But alas my weigh-in day is Friday and I knew that I was heading towards a good weigh-in. I resisted temptation. It was rough, but then when I heard everyone else commiserating on how full they were and how miserable they were, I knew that I had made the right choice. I knew that even more when I weighed on Friday and saw a weight loss of over 2 pounds. However, I was still craving that Griffs. Instead I decided to make my own at home. It ended up being awesome and so good! I'm going to end up having some for lunch this week instead of my frozen meals.

Example 4

Friday night Michael and I went to Mariah's for our cheat meal. I had saved quiet a few calories, so I was looking at a steak on the menu. I looked and what I saw was a 10 ounce. That's what I was going to have – even thought it was a bit bigger than what I wanted. So when the waitress came back to take our order, she asked me if I wanted the entree or the classic. In the past, I would have just said entree, because that's what I saw on the menu and that's what I had my mind set on. Instead, I asked what the difference was and she told me that the classic was a 6 ounce steak. I said give me that one instead. It ended up being just enough food with my side. I wasn't miserable when I was done. I was content.

I'm starting to learn what that means to be content and I'm starting to learn what it means to leave a little bit on your plate. I feel so much better about being content rather than being stuffed. It's not nearly as tiring.

My thought process is changing and I'm finding out things about myself that I never really knew. It's going to be an ongoing mental process my entire life, I think. At least I'm making better choices now though and I am fully thinking things through. It will all come easier once I get to the 6 week mark – or so I've heard. I haven't gotten to the 6 week mark in anything like this since I was 21 years old. My mind is where it should be, I just have to make sure it stays there.

This week, my new adventure is coffee!

I sincerely want to thank all my family, friends, friends of friends, and people I don't know for the support you've shown me so far. I love you all and I truly don't know what I would do without every single one of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Truth!!!

Saw this today and it hit home!!!!

Realization and Normality

Today, I came to an amazing realization. It may end up being a very important realization, but I truly won’t know until I’m at the end of my journey.

I ate lunch out today.

Why is this significant? Today is the first day besides my ‘cheat’ day a week that I have ordered lunch out at work. It’s amazing how food can affect how you feel. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed before.

Originally, I ordered a children’s grilled chicken breast and fries. Instead they gave me two fried chicken fingers and fries. Not an hour after I ate, I was dragging. I mean really dragging. I haven’t done this in roughly 2 weeks. Since I've been on this lifestyle change I've eaten what I'm supposed to when I'm supposed to and my cheat days have really been my only cheat days.

I see why now!

I felt sick, I felt greasy, I was SO tired! It was horrible! On top of it all, it didn't taste as good as I remembered. So it was pretty disappointing. Scratch that, it was majorly disappointing!

I'm trying to decide if this means I'm over the hump. That I've broken my 'addiction' to fast food. Before I literally craved it. Now, not so much.

Michael and I now have usually one night a week that we go out to eat and I track those calories. It's usually Friday night which is my cheat night. I've been pretty good about keeping within my calories even on my cheat night.

Really though, food cooked at home tastes good to me. Before it didn't, but now it does. I'm very aware of the fact though that it will take a small shift in the way I feel about something to cause me to derail. I have to keep going at this, I have to make this first nature to me. Instead of when I get off work wanting to drop by McDonald's and getting a 20 piece chicken nugget, I have to want to get off work and WANT to go home and cook dinner.

It's a process, but it's a process I'm working towards. It's a process that may be a lifetime thing for me. It may never become first nature for me. I hope and pray that it does, but if it doesn't, that's just something I'll have to learn to deal with.

Nobody said this would be easy and so far it hasn't been. But I love the way I feel about myself right now and I love seeing the numbers on the scales get smaller each week. For now, I'm going to have to build on that and hope that
one day my entire life won't revolve around food.

I want to be normal........

-I also turned on commenting for anonymous for those of you who were saying that you couldn't comment. Please comment away! Give me strength!!-

Trying New Things....

Trying New Things

One of the things that being overweight has kept me from doing is trying new things. This applies everywhere in my life. From the food I eat to the vacations I take. From the food I eat? What? You might be saying. Well let me explain.

It’s been so easy, basically all my life, to be afraid of change. To not want anything at all to change. It almost like this extra weight I have on my body is my security blanket. If I have it there between me and the rest of the world then it keeps me from having to put myself out there. It helps me to be a loner.

This past year though, I’ve opened myself up. I’ve made new friends and tried new things. My point of view is changing. My tastes are changing. Before, it wasn’t unheard of me to say “I don’t like that!”, without ever really trying it. I know, I know, people who know me in everyday life are dying of surprise.

But I am now a changed woman. If I don’t really know if I like it or not, I’m taking the chance and trying it. Whether it be one of those vegetables I thought nasty before or doing a few lunges in the privacy of my own home. I’m not ready to do those down the hallway like some co-workers of mine.

The point is, sometimes I put myself into this little, lonely hole. Why I don’t know. People seem to like me. I seem funny. I seem like I’m someone who is a very good friend. I have people that tell me that – maybe not on a day to day basis, but more than occasionally. However for the past few years, it’s seemed like I haven’t felt worthy of it MYSELF. Like I thought because I let myself get this way I shouldn’t have fun, I shouldn’t have friends, I shouldn’t be loved by others. It’s a very dark place to be in and a very lonely place.

But that’s the funny thing. You become comfortable with your own thoughts, with your own company. You begin to like it and get irritated at those who try to encroach on it. It took my husband, who I love dearly, really hurting my feelings about a year ago to make me to want to start to change.

Gradually, I built up some relationships and friendships. It wasn’t easy. For someone who hates change, it was odd for me to say I had someone to do things with. Then one person turned into two, and two turned into three, and three turned into four. Am I EVER going to be the life of the party? I don’t think so, but there is absolutely no reason I should let the way I LOOK affect how I FEEL about myself that much.

It’s shameful really. I missed out on people who could have been the best friends of my life. I purposely stayed away from things that I knew would be fun. I was miserable and depressed half the time and didn’t even see it.

But I do now.

While I do like my own company for the most part, I’ve learned a LOT in the past six months to a year. I’m kind of entertaining. I LIKE margarita nights with the girls and the occasional husband. I LIKE getting together to make crafts. I LIKE meeting at Barnes and Noble to discuss books. I LIKE going to see Brantley Gilbert play, even if it means having heat stroke in the middle of July.

But the two most important things I’ve learned? I’m the only one who can hold myself back and if you don’t try things, you’ll really never know if you like them or not.

Reason's I Want to Lose Weight

Reason’s I Want to Lose Weight.

1. To be healthier - I’m sick of going to my yearly physical that is required by my job and worrying about what they are going to tell me. Is this going to be the year they put me on some kind of medication for something? I’m 30 years old. I don’t want to be on any kind of medication. It’s even sad that I’m thinking that. It speaks a lot about the world that we live in - that I’m even thinking that as being some sort of solution before I thought of losing weight. I also don’t want to be the one slowing people down when I go walking with them. I want to be able to keep up with everyone else and not sound like the big bad wolf when he huffs and puffs the house down.

2. To wear ’regular’ clothes - I want to walk into a regular store in the mall and walk out with a bag of clothes. I don’t want to have to go to the ‘bigger women’ store or section of the store. I want to wear cute boots and not have to worry about them fitting over my huge calves. I want to be able to wrap a regular towel around myself when I get out of the shower. I don’t want it to be one of the beach towels. How embarrassing is that?

3. To feel good about myself - Most people who know me might not know exactly how bad about myself I feel. For the most part, I’m the one usually cracking jokes and making most of my friends laugh. I enjoy being that person most of the time, but it covers how I REALLY feel. In the back of my mind I’m always thinking horrible thoughts when I’m out with my friends. Do people wonder what the fat girl is doing out with the skinny girls? When I’m out by myself, I imagine people staring at me, wondering how I let myself get this way. I wonder how I let myself get this way. I haven’t even had children yet & here I am struggling with my weight.

4. I want to fit EVERYWHERE! - People who have never lived this life don’t know this fear. It usually makes me sweat and puts me in a bad mood. I tend to lash out at others, not meaning to when I get nervous about things like this, but it’s very embarrassing to me. I’m 5 foot so what extra weight I have is not dispersed in a whole lot of places. I have a large stomach. I don’t want to wonder if I’m going to fit in the booth if we go out to eat. I don’t want to wonder if the seatbelt is going to fit over me in some else’s car. I don’t want to be the reason someone can’t get past me when I’m sitting in the break room at work.

I have a lot more reasons that I want to lose weight, but these are the ones that are the most shameful for me. These are the reasons that I most want to lose weight. I’m leaving these here for a reminder that nothing tastes as good as being in shape feels.

Welcome

Hi! My name is Heather and I’m the person who always talks about what she’s going to do.

This year my resolution is do all the those things. The four things I’m always talking about doing are…

1. Losing Weight
2. Get my book self-published on Amazon by the end of the year.
3. Keep my house clean/organized.
4. A trip somewhere I’ve never been before.

- Losing weight is something I’ve wanted to do for years, but never had the motivation to do so. I guess I should say that’s not exactly true. I may be motivated for a month or maybe even three and then I’m not motivated anymore. This time, I have friends online, friends at work, and my husband who are all going through the same thing. There’s a lot of support around for me. I also feel differently about it this time. It feels like it’s going to be successful.

- Getting my book self-published on Amazon has been a dream of mine for a long time. In the last year, that’s also shifted and felt different. I’ve finished almost 3 books in the series that I’m writing. Just recently I’ve begun to share some of my writing with a very dear friend of mine & we are both working on our goals as writers together. I’m writing under the name of Laramie Briscoe and I do have a blog under that name that’s listed on the right-hand side.

- Keeping my house cleaned and organized has been a struggle since my husband and I moved in together. He’s a slacker and he’s rubbed off on me. Late last year, I did a huge clean of the house & I have to admit, it’s been a lot easier to keep up. I have a few more things that I want to do, but they can be done throughout the upcoming year.

- I have a couple of different opportunities this year to go to some places I’ve never been this year. Some friends and I are talking about going to Vegas. Another friend and I are hoping to do a trip in December.

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Over the next year, I hope to make posts here of how my life is changing and how my goals are being met. The worst part for me is staying motivated. I’m hoping by having this blog, it will hold me accountable.