Friday, January 20, 2012

Realization and Normality

Today, I came to an amazing realization. It may end up being a very important realization, but I truly won’t know until I’m at the end of my journey.

I ate lunch out today.

Why is this significant? Today is the first day besides my ‘cheat’ day a week that I have ordered lunch out at work. It’s amazing how food can affect how you feel. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed before.

Originally, I ordered a children’s grilled chicken breast and fries. Instead they gave me two fried chicken fingers and fries. Not an hour after I ate, I was dragging. I mean really dragging. I haven’t done this in roughly 2 weeks. Since I've been on this lifestyle change I've eaten what I'm supposed to when I'm supposed to and my cheat days have really been my only cheat days.

I see why now!

I felt sick, I felt greasy, I was SO tired! It was horrible! On top of it all, it didn't taste as good as I remembered. So it was pretty disappointing. Scratch that, it was majorly disappointing!

I'm trying to decide if this means I'm over the hump. That I've broken my 'addiction' to fast food. Before I literally craved it. Now, not so much.

Michael and I now have usually one night a week that we go out to eat and I track those calories. It's usually Friday night which is my cheat night. I've been pretty good about keeping within my calories even on my cheat night.

Really though, food cooked at home tastes good to me. Before it didn't, but now it does. I'm very aware of the fact though that it will take a small shift in the way I feel about something to cause me to derail. I have to keep going at this, I have to make this first nature to me. Instead of when I get off work wanting to drop by McDonald's and getting a 20 piece chicken nugget, I have to want to get off work and WANT to go home and cook dinner.

It's a process, but it's a process I'm working towards. It's a process that may be a lifetime thing for me. It may never become first nature for me. I hope and pray that it does, but if it doesn't, that's just something I'll have to learn to deal with.

Nobody said this would be easy and so far it hasn't been. But I love the way I feel about myself right now and I love seeing the numbers on the scales get smaller each week. For now, I'm going to have to build on that and hope that
one day my entire life won't revolve around food.

I want to be normal........

-I also turned on commenting for anonymous for those of you who were saying that you couldn't comment. Please comment away! Give me strength!!-


  1. Wait until you start adding in exercise. You will find on those days you skip (not the planned rest days) that you feel bad.
    Did you know that Chick Fila has grilled chicken nuggets for their kids meals?!? I am super-excited about trying that out with one of their salads instead of fries.
    Fried foods after eating lighter fare is killer. If you ever try a lower carb diet or a totally low carb one, its the same. Your body wants the better food and you feel like poo when you don't eat that way.
    BTW, I have an amazing way to make fish sticks at home for the oven. Not sure how they are calorie-wise (pretty low considering its just fish, bread crumbs and a single egg) but they are nommy.
    Also, turkey meatloaf. Good stuff.
    If you don't feel like cooking when you get home, try a crock pot! It worked wonders for me. Just requires some pre-planning but put it in the pot in the morning, or get Michael to do it before he leaves and bam! Food when you get home. Chili, soups, meats, veggies, etc. Which reminds me...I need to get another one!

  2. I think once you break that initial addiction to the fast foods, it's kind of over for the most part. I haven't eaten fast food in over a year except for once and a while when we just don't feel like cooking dinner. I usually just get a grilled chicken now though because I can't stand how greasy and rubbery those burgers taste.

    I'm a big home eater now. It sucks to do dishes and all that, but I think the quality is much better. What I really love to do is cut up grilled chicken breasts (cook it in minced garlic, with a smidge of salt and pepper, YUM!) and put it in a salad. I don't use salad dressing except as a dipping sauce, so I don't get a lot of calories from that. I think the biggest hurdle I'm trying to overcome is to actually eat regularly. I always feel so great if I do small meals during the day, and then eat my regular dinner. My regular dinner is never huge portions anyway. However, with the grandpa situation, sometimes I find myself just too busy to stop and eat. So that's what I'm trying to work on now. I'm trying to keep a little bit of yogurt in the house, because that's a great afternoon snack. What I was REALLY loving though were apple slices and grapes. I was having an apple a day, and then a few grapes thrown in. However, our grocery store produce goes rotten quick around here, so it's tough to keep it stocked.

    I've been trying to stay regular on the exercise too. I've been doing about 30 minutes a day on the treadmill five times a week, this week I bumped up the incline. I keep the pace slower then most because I have a messed up ankle from a high school injury. I do start to miss it on the weekends, but I know if I start to do it on the weekends, I'll over do it. Once I get some of this weight off, I might cut back to three times a week, but we'll have to see. I'm afraid to do it less often because of the amount of weight I want to lose.

    By far the hardest things are the plateaus. I don't know what is up with it, but it seems sometimes I'll eat right, exercise regularly, and that weight just doesn't come off for a few weeks. So those are the hardest times to stick with the diet because I think to myself, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing and it still doesn't work, so what's the point? If you can get through those times without breaking your resolve, then you're on your way!